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Browns' Josh Gordon opens up about addiction, says he used to drink before games

Posted: 4:35 PM, Nov 06, 2017
Updated: 2017-11-06 16:35:21-05
Browns' Josh Gordon opens up about addiction, says he used to drink before games

Wide receiver Josh Gordon was recently reinstated by the Cleveland Browns after a nearly three-year absence.

Now, he's opening up about addiction and his NFL comeback.

In an interview with GQ published Monday, Gordon said his path to recovery was no longer about playing football again. It was about surviving. 

Josh Gordon: "I said, 'If I plan on having any type of a career, I'll stop.' But at this point I thought, 'If I want any type of a life, if I wanted to live, [I’ll stop].' It was like: You're never going back to f***ing work ever, if you can't figure out how to live. Because at this point in time, the trajectory, you're going to die. You're going to kill yourself."

He also called himself a highly functioning alcoholic. He said he used to make a ritual of drinking right before games.

Josh Gordon: "I would have these little pre-made shots. I used to love Grand Marnier. I could drink it down smooth. I could usually drink a lot of it. But if it wasn't that, it might be a whiskey or something. And I would drink probably like half a glass, or a couple shots to try and warm my system up, basically. To get the motor running. That's what I would do for games."

Gordon said he started using so he wouldn't feel fear. 

Josh Gordon: "Initially it started for me, [because of] a lot of childhood and adolescent trauma-based fear. I was using in my childhood. That environment brought me into that a lot sooner than a normal—whatever normal is—kid should be brought into that, to be able to make a decision on their own of what to do. I didn't want to feel anxiety, I didn't want to feel fear. I didn't plan on living to 18. Day-to-day life, what's gonna happen next? So you self-medicate with Xanax, with marijuana, codeine—to help numb those nerves so you can just function every day. That became the norm from middle school to high school. So by the time I got into my 20s, I was on an accelerated pace."

Read more from the interview with GQ here.

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BROWNS 2019 SEASON RESULTS

Preseason

WEEK 1 · Thu 08/08 · Browns 30, Redskins 10 (1-0)

WEEK 2 · Sat 08/17 · Browns 21, Colts 18 (2-0)

WEEK 3 · Fri 08/23 · Buccaneers 13, Browns 12 (2-1)

WEEK 4 · Thu 08/29 · Browns 20, Lions 16 (3-1)

Regular Season

WEEK 1 · Sun 09/08 · Titans 43, Browns 13 (0-1)

WEEK 2 · Mon 09/16 · Browns 23, Jets 3 (1-1)

WEEK 3 · Sun 09/22 · Rams 20, Browns 13 (1-2)

WEEK 4 · Sun 09/29 · Browns 40, Ravens 25 (2-2)

WEEK 5 · Mon 10/07 · 49ers 31, Browns 3 (2-3)

WEEK 6 · Sun 10/13 · Seahawks 32, Browns 28 (2-4)

WEEK 7 Bye

WEEK 8 · Sun 10/27 · Patriots 27, Browns 13 (2-5)

WEEK 9 · Sun 11/03 · Broncos 24, Browns 19 (2-6)

WEEK 10 · Sun 11/10 · Browns 19, Bills 16 (3-6)

WEEK 11 · Thu 11/14 · Browns 21, Steelers 7 (4-6)

WEEK 12 · Sun 11/24 · Browns 41, Dolphins 24 (5-6)

WEEK 13 · Sun 12/01 · Steelers 20, Browns 13 (5-7)

WEEK 14 · Sun 12/08 · Browns 27, Bengals 19 (6-7)

WEEK 15 · Sun 12/15 · Cardinals 38, Browns 24 (6-8)

WEEK 16 · Sun 12/22 · Ravens 31, Browns 15 (6-9)

WEEK 17 · Sun 12/29 · Bengals 33, Browns 23 (6-10)