My jaw dropped and my stomach knotted up when I read, “I had a dream, a wish or desire and that was to have a mother who would hug me and say ‘I love you’.”
I was introduced to Notre Dame College football player Xavier Dowdell through the principal at Ginn Academy, who suggested I share Xavier’s story.
When I reached out to Xavier he sent me a written statement recalling his journey. It included the memory above about his dream as a child as well as the challenges he’s faced in pursuit of his goal to graduate college.
He was the first person who ever told me that they craved a parent hugging them and saying “I love you.”
Growing up in my home, “I love you,” was said as often as “Hello” and “Goodbye.”
My mom was a source of wisdom in my life early on. She would always give me quirky life tip quotes like, “A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.” or “Treat others the way you want to be treated.”
My favorite is and always has been, “If it is not a happy ending, it is not the end.”
Making the right decisions, being ambitious and bouncing back after I failed was never all that complicated, as I had a clear and distinct support system guiding me through every step of the way.
The world I knew as a child was so different than the life Xavier endured. His mother was addicted to drugs, leading to instability in his childhood. At just three years old he said he watched his mother get beaten at the hands of her significant other. He lived in foster homes or group homes, yearning for the type of home life he only saw when visiting friends.
Xavier struggled and said he often asked: “Why me?”
“There were many restless nights and confusion. I can remember watching my mother do all she could for us but her addiction always got the best of her," he said.
Xavier came to Cleveland when he moved in with his aunt at 8 years old.
When I met Xavier, who is now a senior at Notre Dame College, I immediately noticed that he is well-mannered, kind and focused, which are qualities my parents spent tireless hours trying to instill in me.
Xavier opened up to me about his childhood. He went to Ginn Academy where he played football for the legendary Ted Ginn Sr.
He explained Ginn’s impact on his life as he said, “Before him, I didn’t think I could go to college just off academics and stuff, but he saw something in me that I did not see in myself, as far as athletically and stuff.”
After enrolling at Lake Erie College twice and getting dismissed twice because of academic issues, he didn’t give up. He was encouraged by another mentor he encountered, Dr. Corttrell- Kinney, who consistently pushed him to strive for excellence. He enrolled at Notre Dame College where he also played football. It is there that Dr. Kinney introduced him to Bill Leamon.
Xavier recalled, “I remember him (Leamon) texting me that he is glad to help, and will always match my efforts to succeed. That stuck with me. Bill saw something in me that made him want to go above and beyond when he did not have to.”
Xavier is set to graduate in May, despite the fact that a degree from college was once an unrealistic pipe dream in his world.
He told me there were moments he wanted to give up but he never did.
“I think a lot of the reason people fail is because they don’t have a good support system… At times I didn’t feel I could go anymore. It was the people around me saying ‘you can.’ They believed in me more than I believed in myself,” he said.
While he initially had some concerns about sharing his story, speaking up is important to him.
According to childrensrights.org on any given day there are approximately 415, 000 children in foster care in the United States and according to drugfree.org, there are 23.5 million people in this country with an addiction to alcohol and drugs. That means this country has a whole lot of children just like Xavier.
“I can show people that you can do stuff. You don’t have to be limited because of where you come from or how hard your life has been.” Xavier told me. “My life was bad … so if I can do it you can too,”
His dream was to have parents that hugged him and loved him. While he still doesn’t have a close relationship with his mother and he doesn’t know his father, Xavier is in the process of reaching his goal while living his dream. The people around him helped prove that you don’t need matching DNA to give a child the attention they crave. The lessons and the affection my parents provided me was given to him along the way by people who didn’t share his last name but had a common passion for helping him achieve his goals.
Even so, Xavier explained to me no one can give you the life that you want. Some people are fortunate enough to have two parents that give them directions and a map from the start of their journey, while others start off without a compass to guide them but discover a support system of people along the way. However, the distance one travels and the route one takes in life is ultimately decided by the person who has their hands on the steering wheel and their foot on the gas pedal.
“ I am most proud of my determination. That I kept going and I could have gave up. I wanted to give up really bad and just say I’m done with it but I keep fighting,” Xavier explained.
After the segment on Xavier aired, I texted Xavier telling him how much I appreciated him allowing me to tell his story.
He responded with a few emojis and wrote, “I appreciate you more for giving me the platform to share my story.”
I smiled when I saw his response, as I thought of my favorite quote from my mom. It was in that moment I realized the story of Xavier’s childhood hardships has come to an end, as he truly seems happy.
